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April 15th 2009 & 1:35am] |
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Only day dreaming has brought me to this point, and I am unconvinced that reality will play out in my favor. I don't even know you. The memories which are concealed in my mind are those which prove your existence. When the moon lights the sky with its florescent glow, your face seems clearer, your blond hair appears brighter, and the words you speak--I hear them as if you are lying next to me in small room, as Dylan's "It Ain't Me Babe" plays. We were caught between some time war. What you knew, I wanted to know. How I was, you admired to be. Now, the blond in your hair has washed to a dark brown. The music has faded, and I have grown up. Do you know who I am? Are we both caught between something that once was, or something that can be? You seem lonely on the other side of the world. You and I, we see the same sun, but over there, it sets before I sleep, and rises before I wake. Your face seems different from how I remembered it, and your words are hopeful, yet filled with doubt. You are not a boy, but a man. If things turn out ironic instead of profound my memory will feel empty. I was captivated by the eccentic qualities of your nature. You spoke how you felt and did what you believed. My eyes were opened to the things we don't usually deem beautiful. I wonder if I were to meet you again,would you look at me twice? Would you speak to me gently and drive my imagination wild? I think you may have been in love with the innocence. The wild chase of someone younger with a seducing spontaneity about them. My beauty may have lessened in my appearance, but deepened in my soul. An adventurer and a wanderer. Could it be I have found myself in a place least expected, but somehow pondered throughout all too much? Am I the adventure, Are you the change? I hope that-despite our differences time will let us be for if not a while, a short while. This is something that I believe is owed to us, and something we desire to know... The question and search for some answer, which has left us puzzled for a few years time. I want to spare the uncomfortable meeting, and I want to tell you how I feel about everything that surrounds me. I want to know you, and know where you have been. I dont care to find out where you are going because something tells me you may be right where you're supposed to be, atleast for a while.
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January 20th 2009 & 11:23pm] |
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New Animal Collective is soo good. But, what's even better is they will be touring in Florida. We deserve the acknowledgement of good bands. It's about time. As David would say, "Florida always gets shitted on" Not this time Davey baby! Also...Dr. Dog is in February and Parlor Mob in February too. Looks like the flowers are blossoming!
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January 19th 2009 & 2:44am] |
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I never want to talk badly about people. It's not worth it. It's stupid. People put way too much effort into disliking others. I just want to go with the flow forever and not have to worry about silly arguments. I think about the past and reasons for my choice of words and it's all so pointless. I miss having a best friend near by.
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January 11th 2009 & 3:30am] |
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When you look at all of your worries, you realize they're not worth worrying about.
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November 25th 2008 & 6:51pm] |
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So reguardless of how much I have whined about living here (in Ft. Myers) I am starting to get comfortable here. I'm doing well in school. I like my teachers. I like my classes. The town doesn't have too much to offer. But, I have figured out this is one of its benefits. I feel comfort here and space. It's peaceful. Not too crazy. I have a few good friends here and thats all I've ever needed. I've realized that there will always be places that have good things and bad things. I don't think there's one place that you can find something good without finding something bad as well. I was so set on Tallahassee. I thought that it would be perfect. I went there and I did have fun. But its a different feeling there. Its crowded and caustrophobic I sort of felt depressed there. it was a weird unexplainable feeling. One thing I did love was how the town came alive on game day. Its a fun place. But lacks the serenity I need. I'm not too much of a crazy person. Maybe I was in 9th grade or whatever. But to me a fun time is just hanging with some close friends. I dont need to go out every night to a club or bar to have fun. and I just sorta figured this out. So maybe one day I'll end up at FSU but as of now i am fine with being here.
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November 5th 2008 & 11:19am] |
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whether you voted for obama or not....you should put all your political views aside and really take in what has just happened. I cant describe how I feel at this moment. To think that Obama not only won, but dominated the vote is incredible. This moment shows that America has really come together and we are finally moving on from the days where this would not be possible. This shows us that America is truly a diverse country and the race of a president clearly did not stop anyone from voting. Obama deserves this...The vote definitely went to the right man. He has been through so much and has worked his way to get where he is. I am so so so happy. Words cannot even describe... and I could go on all day about why he won and why he was the right person to win. But im pretty sure the voters summed it up for me.
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November 4th 2008 & 1:56am] |
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im so proud of my boyfriend for spending 15 bucks to overnight his absentee ballot. he's come a long way. im happy for him!
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October 22nd 2008 & 3:24am] |
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There's this kid in my composition class who is really obnoxiously smart, and putting up a valid argument of sorts for everything. Everyone gives him the eye roll. We never really talked until today. He said to me, "Im not trying to trip you out, but I've always thought you would be interesting to talk to." This is by far one of the nicest things anyone has said to me. Im not trying to self-glorify myself at all. I'm just in shock. I've never thought of myself to be...interesting.
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October 19th 2008 & 6:20pm] |
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Being that I have nothing to do here... I bought the first season of gossip girl, and have nearly finished it between lastnight and today. I need to snap out of the dream world. Its 6:21 pm; Im waking up, and going to publix.
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October 18th 2008 & 9:30pm] |
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I Want to cry my eyes out right now sittting alone all day is no fun
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October 15th 2008 & 11:33pm] |
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Its so lonely here. I dont think my nails can get any shorter. It's hard having one friend I actually like because I find myself relying on her too much for company. My room-mates went to some fashion show thing and invited me, but I denied. I dont know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm tired, or stressed. I dont know why I dont make some sort of effort to actually do something when the offer is thrown at me. Even if a fashion show doesnt sound particularly fun I could have still made an attempt to get closer with my room mates. It's so hard to make friends in un forced situations, but it's also hard to make friends in forced situations. I contradict myself. In order for me to have a conversation with someone I need to have something to talk about. Before I came to college I told myself I wasn't going to make judgements on people and try to be friends with everyone. Well that worked, for about a couple weeks. Now it's hard for me to talk to anyone unless I seem interested in them as a person. I dont think I could just be friends with anyone. I dont think anyone can be friends with anyone. Whoever said that is dumb. You have the friends you do because you all are uniquely bonded by some sort of chemistry. You bond yourself to a group who does things you like to do. If you're an atheist you're probably not going to become friends with some die hard christian by chance. That's an extreme example. But I hate how people( think its possible) and even movies portray these circumstances where completley random people will be friends. Aquaintinces maybe, but not friends. I dont think I have come across a crowd of people in a while whom I thought did not seem to have most things in common. Whenever I become friends with someone whom I have nothing in common with I usually find myself cutting off communication in some way. Not on purpose but it just sort of happens.
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| Im the glorious one |
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October 10th 2008 & 3:01am] |
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Tonight made me realize a lot. I love being home. I love the feeling of doing close to nothing, just hanging out with your best friends. Drinking, dennys. That kinda small shit is the shit I live for. The shit I used to take for granted, but now soak every second of it up. It hurts me when people lie and backstab me, but I guess people will be people. Im over those days, and looking on to new ones. Hopefully I will live with renee next year in tallahassee. Im counting on it. I'm going to start doing things for myself, and not for other people. It only comes around to bite you in the ass.
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September 29th 2008 & 11:06am] |
"even if we knew which way to head..but still we probably wouldn't go" Probably the truest thing ever. I think i'm the type of person who would rather seek some sort of adventure than go in a directed path. Except what happens when the path you choose isn't much of an adventure? bordom, lonlieness, thinking...to much too. I will never learn, ever. I will never stop making these "adventureous" decisions. I am always regretting something. But I guess it takes some expierence to realize something wasn't right for you. I want to be some place happening. With people, music, and, places. It upsets me to think one day I may not be friends with my best friends anymore. It makes me sick to my stomach when they have these sort of realizations. I don't know hoe people do it. How they can just run off and make new bestfriends. That's probably why dyana and I don't ever talk much. I mean you have to put up your guard. Not everyone is trustworthy. Not everyone is worth going the extra mile for.
On a lighter note...I helped my boyfriend move into his new apartment this weekend back home. I'm happy for him. It was bittersweet. I feel like were both at two differnt points in our lives right now. But I can't let go. He's grown into something really great. and part of me is saying "this is only the beginning amy" (in a good way) God if my parents told me to come back home I would in a heartbeat. You don't understand how good it feels to drive around in ft. lauderdale. Living in the boondocks sucks. never do it. you get lost here. and the only thing you'll find is some cows in a grass field.
the 90's was a good time in America. just enough technological advancement but not enough to ruin your life or shadow you from the world. (i say this while typing on my phone) The music was good as well. Peaches? does anyone remember that cd store...Bill Clinton...flannel ...good tv shows on nick..not the garbage they have now. Playing outside. I hardly ever see kids play outside anymore.
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September 24th 2008 & 2:58am] |
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It's weird... when youre not home... You start thinking of everybody and anybody you ever met/ knew and all the stupid things you did. Nothing really matted then, but it all matters now. im home sick. i miss the east coast. Maybe I wasn't ready to leave or maybe I just took for granted the things I had while I was there. Either way, I wonder what it would be like if I still lived there. I just want to call someone up and say "okay lets go to chipotle." I cant do that here, at least not yet..and well of course because chipotle doesnt exist here. I want to feel comfortable with someone who I can tell anything to and drag them along places even when they dont want to go, and not feel bad about it. Thats just how my friends and I were. Kinda like sisters. I could bitch at em and the next day we'd be fine because they just knew me and I knew them. I dont know anybody now. I dont even know if I know them. Things change so fast. im just stuck in the past....(unintentional rhyme) Caddy moments did occur. And I'm sure weve all said a couple things to each other about one another's behavior..We were all so lucky, and I dont think we realized it. Its a bond you won't find with a boyfriend. They are the closest things to my heart.
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September 22nd 2008 & 1:03am] |
Someone just pulled the rape chord in their dorm, and it was extremely loud and annoying...anyways.....college is weird. Just a shit load of people stuck in neutral waiting for their lives to "begin". I dont even know what I want to major in....I sorta just want to go off and join the peace core. Life is different to all people. Your dreams are not someone elses. You should never look down upon a person for what they chose to do with their life... Something I have learned over the course of this week. Going to college does not make you any smarter than someone who didnt. Personally if I could do this whole thing all over again I would have gone to community college got my associates joined the core. I always feel like such an old soul. like i dont belong...I dont know thats how i've always felt. detachment from a lot of people. Its lonely. Not knowing what is going to happen is sort of exciting but at the same time makes me afraid. Time is scary it moves so fast. Everyone pictures what their life will be like...it probably wont turn out anyway you expected. This country is so fast paced, who has time to keep up with the bullshit..how do we know whats bullshit and what isnt?. people are detached from what is really important. I need to be somewhere for a while that will help me as a person and expand my mind...i cant do that sitting in an institution...
the punctuation is horrible sorry
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September 18th 2008 & 2:21am] |
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What is the world coming to????? commercialism yeah..thats it. fuck commercialism fuck you money hungry america....I must confess I am new to this whole festival scene..but let me just say this...Langerado...2009...MIAMI? Bicentennial Park ..no camping? oh wait...it gets better..."late night shows will take place at multiple venues throughout Miami including downtown, the design district, and the world famous south beach" WORLD FAMOUS SOUTH BEACH oh goody!! Im not the one to put a face on anything..but come on. The vibe is just going to be different. There will be less friendly people tripping, and more bitchy scene queens. I cant believe theyre doing this..what a good idea..lets all drink, smoke some joints and then drive to downtown, design district, and south beach...may i add its not like these places are necessarily in walking distance. And obviously there is maximum capacity. How are thousands of people going to fit..they're not. This was planned out well...So now people may not even be able to actually see a band they would like to...Oh and on top of spending about 100 dollars on a ticket were going to be spending money camping out in hotels. Life is wonderful... in what seemed to be a music festival all about the people has drastically turned to the opposite. I bet lil wayne will be headlining now. cool. ahh where has the simplicity gone?
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September 8th 2008 & 12:25pm] |
All of my entries have been based upon my college experience so far. . .Dont get me wrong I like it here. I've made good friends. I like the nature environment, I like how its not too crazy here. One thing I can not stand is the stupidity level. Just a couple examples... Man: "Are you registered to vote" Me: "yes" kid behind me: "voting is stupid like who even cares I dont know anything about the election all I know is a black guy and a white guy are running" Friend of kid: "ha ha ha ha ha"
Honestly what is the world coming to? I know..shit! Have you ever seen that movie idiotcracy with luke wilson? well its about how everyone in the future is pretty much retarded. It pisses me off how someone can be so ignorant. and there are plenty more people at my school like that. So dense.
This school is okay for now. I didnt try throughout highschool too much so I understand why I got accepted to a school with people like this. Its not a bad school by any means.Not everyones stupid, theres a lot of smart people.. But some of the people are just in another world. I want to be some place with motivated people. People who are interested in bettering the world. People who are interested in our government and what American Politics can do for us. Not only know "that some white man and black man are running" But what they stand for. I feel lost in this crowd of people. I want to expierence something bigger, better, and more lively. Some place where things are happening, and not a place where the biggest concern is to watch the latest hills episode rathering then registering to vote (my roomate) I understand these are all my own arguments and people may see things differently. But it just baffles me how someone could be so un involved with the world they live in.
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September 3rd 2008 & 12:27am] |
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if you haven't already, listen to Neil Young- After the Gold Rush. It's probably one of my favorite songs. It also makes you feel. . . I miss everyone especially my boyfriend. Being without the ones you love- It seemed possible in the beginning. Now I just cant help to think it's impossible. I watched the movie Almost Famous today. After it I felt sort of trapped.
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August 23rd 2008 & 3:04pm] |
so I moved in to my dorm. Its an apt. style dorm which is nice, I have 3 roomates. and I have the last bedroom...v.i.p. bitches. So one of my roomates is cool...courtney..except she always has guys over so i feel like I cant have any privacy when I wanna shower or do something. Like for instance I just wokeup was in m pjs looking a mess and in walk 3 guys. Anyways we decided were gonna have a little party in our dorm soon. The other, Bridget..is a stuck up bitchy girl who doesnt drink, is a virgin, and has a 2 year old sense of humor. She keeps on talking about this "foam party" thats going to be on campus and how excited she is for it. She also informed me that if my roomates and I throw any sort of parties in our dorm things wont be good...I guess things wont be good then. The third roomate is a mystery...Amanda. Shes one of those beasty girls. Tall and kinda big. She wouldnt add my room mate courtney and I on facebook so we feel a bit detached from her and I honestly have no intentions of communicating with her. All in all it will probably be courtney and amy v. amanda and bridget. Wow what a movie..Im such a loser. Okay now onfor part 2...
My friends from dreyfoos, Ana and Jill live in an apartment off campus which is affiliated with Florida Gulf Coast. Ana invited me over last night and we went to a couple parties within the complex. Can you say bro status to the max. Im sorry I tried to have an open mind with all of them but damn did they push me to the edge. They are the epitome of stupid, self centered, and rude. Atleast thats what I got. When you get drunk its not funny to run around in a girls sweater singing Kc and JoJos "crazy" and pet all your guy friends heads. I also got in a tif with this kid who clapped in my face to get my attention..I freaked out on his ass. Yes, I probably overreacted but uhm you do not do that to a lady!! haha Anyways, I hope my friends dont think Im some bitch now. But, I just want school to start so I can settle in with my own group of friends. Plus, that apartment complex is a world of its own and has soo much drama. But I have to read a whole book and type a paper..thats due tuesday.
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[
August 21st 2008 & 8:30am] |
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I'm about to leave for school and nothing feels right nothing seems right. I didnt even get to say goodbye to my boyfriend, or my dad. they kinda just left when I was in the shower. So I dont really know how to feel. like I said, Its weird to say goodbye without even saying goodbye. I am dreading this whole move in thing..meeting my roomates, my mom being controlling and annoying...and lugging all my fucking shit up stairs.
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thenoisesoflove's journal